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Morning

03:45 am. restlessness. the flow of energy within, infinite. rest in anticipation. eyes open. cool water. knock knock. loosen, stretch. brace. down the stairs, into the open. look up, the promising sky bathed in adolescent light. feel the reins in your veins. the tree.

the first step. the counting, the rhythm – instinctive. sand crushing under feet, giving way. the rhythm. control and beauty, as  result thereof. an inexhaustible will. the road might as well not end. conscious slowdown. who said the control was yours? remnants of motion. stillness, almost.

the sky, opened up. buildings, in the full grandeur of their intended design. man and nature. a bird that walks on water. a chance encounter. force, often unnecessary. strength, the only necessity and prerequisite. return. calm. good morning.

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Quotable Quote

Once you figure out what a joke everything is, being a Comedian’s the only thing that makes sense. – Edward Blake

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dt: 5th April, 2009

I had a nightmare tonight. What surprised me was the hybrid mix of real and imaginary characters, physical settings and concepts that inter-played to create the entire experience.

It was scary as hell – drawn largely from the ‘Saw’ movie, I guess – however, with strong influences of ‘hostel life’ as the physical setting – in fact – even locations familiar to me through another dream – for ex: the imaginary ‘rest house’ adjacent to my room which I am pretty confident has appeared in an earlier dream too.

It all started with me waking up in a strange, deserted place with fires burning in the stoves all around. I remember some strange scene involving a leaking sink that was caused because I suggested using ‘broomsticks’ to support columns of clay beneath the sink! ***k. Next scene, I was being carried to a hack-saw- man on the top of a bus.

Several moments later came the defining scene of the whole nightmare – which lasted for god only knows how long.

I was with this character who looked remarkably like the ‘masked’ villain in ‘Saw’ but had an uncanny humanness about him. It all seemed normal till we went fishing in a river, and suddenly, the fellow disappeared. I turned around and searched the stream, only to stumble across a dead fish floating in the water – and suddenly, out of nowhere, this fellow’s severed head was bobbing up and down in the flowing stream – as if alive; mocking at my futile attempts to figure out what was going on.

This is where the catch lies – the whole point for me noting down this experience. In the dream, I was terrified and literally ‘felt’ an entire artery in my chest bursting and squirting out blood. It was precisely then that I ‘actually’ had an acute chest pain and woke up panting to realise all was well and I was still in my room.

Now, the question – can incidents like these actually cause a heart-attack? I am scared.

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Ambition

The chat I had with a friend of mine went something like this:
Me ( U ) : mama, something I’ve been dreaming about for the whole day..

Czar (C): hmmm ..

don buy the hummer though
U: 😛
C: just buy the bike
U: will run it on hydrogen😛
and go around the world
C: ha ha ha
trip

🙂
then ll join you in the bike 🙂
U: enjai
sureaa!

C: sure..
U: 😀
C: gnite..

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Hmmm..

Man, I feel JEALOUS.
Damn JEALOUS.
Shit.

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tears

just happened to recollect what happened the other day..
For no apparent rhyme or reason, i was sad. You know,

just one of those times when you generally feel sad. feel
like crying. feel like yelling out to the world. want to go
away, far away,yet stay with your people. want to split
yourself up into pieces, yet stay whole. want to be calm,
yet there is turmoil within. want to smile; and cry too.

well, i thought a long ride on the Honda Activa might help
bring me back to my senses. Away from everyone and
everything, i could shed some tears in solitude and get
that sadness off my heart. i took a detour.
and raced the scooter.
the wind seemed to pull away tears off me.
i cried and smiled at the same time.

it felt good.

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money

I feel compelled to write.

The past two months in Bangalore have been a whirlwind of experiences. Meeting people, going places, convincing people,getting lost, it’s been quite a journey. It’s been a lot of fun.However, what struck me the most, and what continues to baffle me, is one single word. Money. And the price we choose to pay for it.

As part of the Spons team for the IITM tech-fest, Shaastra 2007, it’s our (Lays and Uss) job to convince sponsors to shell out quite some money. And experience says they do.’For what? you might ask. ‘Attracting the best brains of the country’ we say. Visibility,brand building, and blah blah, we go on.

Lesson: Some People have money. Lots of it.

I am reminded of the day when I was at a roadside shop, having grub,when this little boy and his sister came up and asked me to buy a small garland. For? 10 bucks. The indifference in me chose to look away. But there was something which held my gaze. The boy wasn’t begging. He just pleaded once and started to walk away. I called him back. He told me he studied in a govt school nearby and needed to buy a notebook. His mother made a few garlands and asked him to sell them and buy his notebook. After much asking, he finally told me his exam results. He had scored a 90+ in every paper. I didn’t know how to respond. I felt helpless. Hopeless too. All i could do was buy his garland and wish him luck.
Lesson: Some people don’t have money. None at all.

Then there was this day when I didn’t pay the bus fare and had to jump off the running bus as the driver refused to stop until I paid him.
Lesson: Sometimes, people are short on money. And they find shortcuts.

Yet another day, Lays and I were traveling in a bus when an old lady boarded it. She too, did not have any money. While we were thinking of paying her fare, someone else did. We were left thinking.
Lesson: People with some money help those with no money.

Further, one day I found myself in a bus with just a 500 rupee note. I asked the other passengers for change. One pretty lady asked me,’How much is the ticket?’ and handed me six rupees. Embarrassed, ‘Thanks’ was all i could manage.
Lesson: Having too much money doesn’t help always.

After receiving my first stipend, my bank account swelled up, and within a week, it was back to ground zero.literally.
Lesson: Money is meant to be spent.

We (Nai, Goofy, Uss) went to Bannerghatta National Park last weekend. We bought tickets for the grand safari, had ice-cream, traveled in an AC bus. Saw tigers 8 ft away. It felt good. And then Goofy convinced us to go hiking to a hill-top. The scene was breath-taking; the hills spread so wide that one sight couldn’t take in the entire view. One could see the clouds pouring onto another hill-top very far away. And then it rained. It was fun.
Lesson1: Money can buy you ‘things’.
Lesson2: Life gives away it’s best moments for free.

There have been several more instances, when I have been confused and intrigued by what money can and cannot do. That’s for now, have to get back to work..
Dying to go home, and get back to good ol’ insti.

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